I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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