so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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