I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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