I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
