so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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