some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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