I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
