Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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