Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize