she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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