seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
