he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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