We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
