She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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