Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
