Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
