shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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