Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
