Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
