The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
