i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
