If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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