I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
