i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
