i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
