he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize