if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
