And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
