i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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