I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
