dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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