I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
do herpes really smell.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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