The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
