Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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