omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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