nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
