somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
