I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
