ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
