i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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