WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
