you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
