I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
