i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Blood and glitter go together right?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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