We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
