I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
