WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
