I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
