Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
