my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
