my mouth tastes like poor choices
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
