It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
