you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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