Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
