but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
