so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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