If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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