haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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