just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Holy sore nipples Batman
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
