nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
