i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
