Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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