It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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