It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
