omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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