Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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