why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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